Puberty, a natural part of growing up, signifies the transition from childhood to adulthood. It’s a time when your child will experience a range of physical and emotional changes and is a natural part of growing up that signifies the transition from childhood to adulthood.
As a parent, you have a crucial role in equipping your child with the knowledge, support and reassurance they need to embrace these changes. Understanding the ins and outs of discussing puberty with your child will help you feel empowered with the tools and confidence you need to have these important conversations with your child.
When should I start talking to my child about his or her body?
Conversation about body parts and function should begin early in childhood. Bathing and toileting can be opportunities to discuss body privacy and autonomy, to encourage children to ask questions about their bodies, to use correct anatomical terms and to clarify body function. These conversations also establish trusted adults — parents or direct caregivers who are safe and available to talk about body function.
“Puberty talks won’t be a one-and-done deal. As their bodies change, kids will have more questions,” says Marybeth Jones, MD, a pediatrician at Mount Nittany Health. “As changes arise, circle back to these conversations and topics, responding with more details when your child asks questions.”
It’s important to tailor your conversations to your child’s age and maturity level. For younger children, keep things short and straightforward. Using proper names for body parts is encouraged. At a young age, start using specific terms, including “penis” and “vagina” when talking to your child about their body. This will help your child become more comfortable talking about their bodies as they grow. It also gives children the language to ask questions and reinforces that they don’t have to be embarrassed about their bodies.
Older kids can handle and need more detailed information. “When talking with your child about puberty, be reassuring — your child may feel insecure. Initiate the conversation; don’t wait for your child to come to you with questions. They may not come to you and may be more likely to seek information (or misinformation) from peers if they feel insecure or embarrassed by the topic,” explains Dr. Jones.
When should I expect puberty to begin?
Every child is different and will develop on their own timeline. There is no right time, but most kids start puberty by 14. They may compare themselves to others, which tends to escalate during puberty. Parents should provide reassurance that many kids begin before or after the typical age range, and this is healthy and normal.
Kids with female bodies often start puberty earlier — usually between 8 and 13 years old. Girls begin producing estrogen, which will be a building block for the growth and development of female sexual characteristics. Breast development is a normal part of puberty for girls. You should encourage your daughter to wear a bra or tank at this stage.
Kids with male bodies typically start puberty later — usually between 9 and 14 years old. Their bodies begin to produce testosterone, which will initiate the growth and development of male sexual characteristics. During puberty, boys begin to experience a deeper voice with occasional cracking while this transition is happening. Boys will notice growth in their penises and testes and may experience erections or begin to ejaculate while sleeping.
Physical changes during puberty
“During puberty, your child may need to change their hygiene habits. Changes in hormones cause more sweat, which can lead to body odor. Build healthy hygiene habits by encouraging more frequent showers, deodorant and fresh, clean clothes every day,” says Dr. Jones.
Skin changes may include pimples (also known as acne) on the face, back and chest. Help your child incorporate a daily routine for basic skin care.
“Additional early body changes include new hair growth,” she adds. “Hair becomes thicker on the legs and grows in the armpits and pubic areas. Boys may start to grow hair on their faces and chests as well.”
Most children will get taller and gain weight during puberty. For boys, weight gain is often a result of their shoulders getting broader, and for girls, it can be attributed to their bodies starting to build up and store more fat.
Within one to three years of experiencing initial physical changes, kids with female bodies will start to develop menstrual periods. “When ovaries begin to release eggs, it leads to menstruation. Most girls’ first menstrual period happens by 13 or 14 years old,” says Dr. Jones. “For the first two years, it’s normal for periods to be irregular and unpredictable. Have a conversation with your daughter’s primary care provider if there are concerns with her period or if there is severe pain, cramping or discomfort.”
Parents can help their child prepare for their first menstrual period by explaining what to expect and where to find hygiene products if they are away from home. For instance, many public restrooms and school nurses’ offices keep these products stocked and available.
Emotional changes during puberty
Dealing with mood swings can be a real struggle for parents and their kids. You may become the target of their anger. Try not to match their mood — parents should focus on remaining neutral and creating a safe space even while teenagers are riding a roller coaster of emotions.
“Remember that it’s common and normal for big emotions to come and go. It’s important to notice and speak with your child’s primary care provider if your child is experiencing persistent emotional changes, especially ones that seem to be interfering with academic performance, relationships with peers, family or other adults or their participation in activities that they would typically enjoy.”
Fostering open communication and trust
An essential key to having puberty conversations with your child is to create a safe and comfortable environment.
“Make sure your child knows you’re available to talk. Be willing to start the conversation. Kids will appreciate you taking control of the conversation from time to time,” says Dr. Jones. Encourage questions and address concerns as they arise.
Puberty can be challenging for both kids and parents. Above all, approach puberty with a sense of humor, a lot of love and a willingness to learn and grow alongside your child. Hormonal changes, physical growth and emotional ups and downs are all part of the package. You can help your child navigate these changes with grace, resilience and a positive outlook.
“By providing your child with age-appropriate information, fostering open communication and creating a safe and supportive environment, you can help them feel more confident and secure as they journey through adolescence,” says Dr. Jones.
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